Filed under: Movies, Pop culture, Reviews | Tags: Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black, Stephanie Meyer, Twilight
*This entry was originally written for GrabBagOK.com*
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About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire.
The Best Thing About It: Well, I can’t say I wasn’t entertained. Unfortunately, it was mostly for all the wrong reasons. There were a few minor redeeming qualities though.
First, I like the idea of vampires playing baseball. Sure, I had no idea why they were doing it or what sense it made in the context of the story, but I like the idea of it in a comedic sense. Sadly, it wasn’t used that way. Talk about a missed opportunity. Other things I’d love to see vampires do: play video games, go to an amusement park and attend a Michael McDonald concert.
Second, the fight between Edward and James was less sissy than I imagined it would be. Matter of fact, it was actually pretty good. Easily my favorite part of the movie. I’m far more interested in the war between the Cullens and the other covens than anything involving Bella, the robot girl.
Third, Rob Pattinson “Let Me Sign” and Radiohead “15 Step” are both great songs.
What Could’ve Made It Better: What a loaded question! I could bring up several things that irked me in the first installment of this series, but I’ll focus on what I see as the biggest problem, mostly because it’s what the entire series is based on – the relationship of Edward and Bella. How exactly did we go from “He thinks I’m stinky. I hate him!” to “He’s a dreamy vampire. I love him!”? There was so little development that as someone with low expectations, even I was disappointed. Perhaps it’s addressed better in the books and that’s why so many viewers are enthralled with the love story, but it doesn’t translate in the movie. At best their love is based on the Florence Nightingale effect which is caused by fleeting emotion. (Back to the Future FTW!) I’m sure you Twi-hards see Bella and Edward as the Romeo and Juilet of our time, but due to poor writing, I see two teenagers (okay, so Edward is a really old 17-year-old) acting like typical teenagers, unable to differentiate love from hormonal changes. However, given that Edward is a vampire, their affection will most likely end up getting their loved ones killed. Plus, Edward could do better. I kind of hate Bella, but in the sake of fairness, we’ll chalk some of that up to Kristin Stewart’s inability to act.
Random Thoughts: I’ve admitted that I haven’t read the books, but for the love of God, I hope the dialogue in them is better than it is in the movie. The quote I listed at the beginning of this post had me laughing for a few minutes. I literally had to pause the movie because I couldn’t focus on what happened after that until I made it through my laughing fit.
Was there any scene in this movie without background music? Music is meant to set the mood of the scene, but when overused it just becomes obnoxious and distracting. AmIright?
Catherine Hardwicke, your shots are not artistic. Please stop trying to be cooler than you are. The shot that stands out most to me is when Edward and Bella are in the forest and Bella is telling Edward that she knows what he is. There are so many unnecessary long shots of the trees that it’s laughable. Not to mention that most of the movie is overhead after overhead. And don’t even get me started on the desaturation! Cinematography fail.
Okay, so Bella moves and goes to a new school and immediately the paper wants to write an article about her? My school was too small to have a paper, but I have a hard time believe that it’s protocol to write an article about every new student. Was it because her step dad is a baseball player? I could see that if anyone at the school ever mentioned it, but it’s never addressed leaving me to believe that the students don’t even know about her step dad. She’s just a random transfer student.. who apparently has never seen rain because she’s from Arizona. (Psst.. It rains in Arizona. Just an FYI.)
Also, Bella mentions to Jacob that she wishes he went to her school so that she’d have a friend, but 30 seconds after arriving she immediately befriends 20 kids. It appears that it was Stephanie Meyers intent to paint her as an outsider, and yet she is quickly accepted in this high school society. Doesn’t make much sense.
“Hey guys, I met this girl named Bella. She’s a human to whom I’ve told all our family secrets. (Of course, it only took her two conversations and a Google search to figure out I was a vampire anyway.) She’s given me no real reason to trust her and could easily get us exposed and killed, but I thought I’d invite her over so we can all be besties. Also, she smells good.”
“That’s cool. We’ll make her dinner.”
Dumbest. Vampires. Ever.
Hottie Alert: Kellan Lutz
The Verdict: Let’s not fool ourselves. These movies weren’t made to be masterpieces, they were made as film counterparts for teen romance novels. Because of that fact, I’ll cut them some slack. They are what they are. As difficult as it is for me to try to slide back into that mentality, I’ll will make a consorted effort to watch the rest of the films through the eyes of a sexually confused 14-year-old girl.
I don’t say this with any intended disrespect toward adults who enjoy the movies, but why? It’s a serious question. Why do you like Twilight? To me so far it’s pretty pitiful from every aspect – disconnected, incoherent story telling, terrible acting and cinematography that looks like it was directed by a fashion school dropout with something to prove. Maybe if I could see what you see in them, I’ll enjoy the other films more than the first. However, the fate of the first installment is sealed. 3/10
Coming up next: New Moon
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